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Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting, a company that offers a range of programs focused on educating survivors, clinicians, coaches and businesses on the impacts of narcissism on health, wellness and functioning. She takes on entitlement and incivility in “Don’t You Know Who I Am”: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility.
She is the author of the modern relationship survival manual Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist, and of You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life. She also has a popular YouTube channel that focuses on narcissism and difficult relationships. The focus of Dr. Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations.
Her work has been featured at SxSW, TEDx, and on a wide range of media platforms including Red Table Talk, the Today Show, Oxygen, Investigation Discovery, Bravo, and she is a featured expert on the digital media mental health platform MedCircle. Dr. Durvasula’s research on personality disorders has been funded by the National Institutes of Health and she is a Consulting Editor of the scientific journal Behavioral Medicine. Dr. Durvasula is an honest, authentic, and brutally honest voice on the struggles raised by narcissism in the US and globally.
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If you’re ready to learn how to identify a narcissist, to learn valuable techniques that will help your love life across the board, and more, then this episode is for you! Now, let’s jump into Episode 1,195 with Dr. Ramani.
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If narcissists are made, not born, the difficult temperament may just make the child less popular, due to an unwillingness to go along JUST BECAUSE. This is, what I believe my mother took issue with (notwithstanding the fact that she had ZERO respect for my privacy, while standing in the way of any fair hearing). I didn’t necessarily go along to get along, which made it difficult for other predators, like the molesting, stalking neighbor she did nothing about, after I told her he was hunting, and harming me. I didn’t make it easy for him, because he didn’t deserve to harm me. My mother would have offered me up, pretending not to know, just for the supply it got her. I know this from EXPERIENCE, THE GREATEST TEACHER.
Growing up I was always told especially by my mom, “you are just too sensitive” !!! Grow up being told, “Your feelings aren’t important” ! I had to re-learn as an adult … ‘what do I feel ? My mind seems to go to … ‘why would they say such a cruel thing ! Remember … as an adult, life is what you make it ! ❤️😍😘
My feelings didn’t madder either
You are Great!I think that breaks my heart that anyone would say that To You especially young er years.Im glad to here that you know that wasn’t true.🙏Here is a ⚘and sending you my big bunch of L💙💜❤🧡💛💚VE JoAnn Schmidt.I said it once and I’m gonna go ahead say again..YOU ARE GREAT🎆🏅🗽🌞🌠🌈🌛🌄🌅 🌜I get a lil carried away with the lil pictures 😁but it for a good reason that’s You and me to what I want.. Omgosh .ok1more.. 🧡
Back in the 70’s there was a wonderful article written titled,
“Affluenza”. It came out during flu season and many enjoyed it for its humor rather then taking in the seriousness of the issues raised.
I wish I could find a copy of it, but I Do not recall the author’s name….
If you feel attracted to a narcissist, it’s a sign to love yourself more💖
Thanks 😊
@Spark – You are probably an empath or codependent. I was both.
I appreciate that comment
Wow. Thats powerful
So true about the aggression + narcissistic personality. They will fight and argue until you are blue in the face. I wish I knew the D.E.E.P. acronym last week lol
So true
👍
“narcissism is the opposite of authenticity.” well said
my brain just grew!!!!
It is possible to find a treasured relationship, when you have experienced a care giver, sibling or partner, in your life as being a narcissist. Anyone who is wondering about this. You have got this. Do the work, know yourself and you will find true love. When both people are giving, there is no taking. Thank you for your wonderful interviewing Lewis and your total gems Ramani.
Amen!
appreciate you!
Erosion of Amer. society&morals, creation and rise of social media, reality shows, shameless‼️self-promotion‼️ etc – narcissism 101 💯& it’s been getting soo much worse
@Lewis Howes
You are both lovable ❤️❤️
And the worse thing I ever did is I married a man who was just like my Mother. Only I learned to stand up to him. He hated that just like my Mother hated when I became an adult I learned the best thing for me was to stand up for my rights.
This is a great session! I think it’s so important for people to be able to recognize these dysfunctional relationships as dangerous and impossible to “fix”. Of course, many people are happy to stay in the toxic relationship if they’re getting some other benefit (financial, etc.) from the relationship that makes staying tenable. But I know first-hand the emotional – and physical – torture that these people afflict on others. It’s GREAT that Dr. D is being straight up about the fact that there is NO HOPE of them ever changing. That is SO TRUE!! Get out and move on to something healthier. Lots of fish in the ocean.
It’s easy to say I’m trapped I disabled and I shave one no to help me I’m 58 I don’t stay because I want to I have a daughter I don’t want to live in a Shelter or a ditch thanks no thanks
👍
Communal narcissists can portray, “false humility,” to servers, friends, strangers, etc., and others in public, but behind closed doors, they have no empathy.
Wow…this was great. I really needed to hear this. my ex fiance just called me last night to tell me has started therapy and to ask my help in answering some questions for his therapist. he refused to address anything when we were together. I told him I couldn’t do that…then i started to feel like i was a bad person for saying no. i’m working on my own stuff now.
So happy to hear we have supported you!
Both of my parents are narcs….just realizing it now as an adult in my 40s looking into the root of my anxieties…. it’s a journey but the healing and letting go is beautiful. Thanks for this interview 🙏
Can’t thank you enough for this validating video. I have done two webinars with Dr. Ramani and don’t know anyone more trauma informed. My FREEDOM DAY from my spouse/abuser was 5/10/2021. Left with a traumatic brain injury and NOTHING but my service dog. Our LEO , “advocates” and justice system in NC are not trauma informed. Bo and I gave up a substantial fortune that I contributed more than half to but I am happy for this journey thanks to the education from Dr. Ramani and others like her. I wouldn’t change this for anything. Incredible video. Happy holidays! 💚💜
Ohmigawd my two favorite people! 🤗And the timing is so perfect! I just ended a 3 month relationship with a narcissist so watching this is helping me stay no contact!!! I saw the signs pretty early and guessed he was a narcissist so got out pretty quickly. Thank you for continuing to bring awareness so people get out of these situations much faster!
Thank you 🙂
Lewis you are the bravest man I have seen on YouTube. So willing to be vulnerable in the hopes that others will learn and benefit. I hope you find your match with all the qualities Ramani listed in a healthy relationship. You deserve good things.
Thank you for showing love and your continued support 💜
Love Dr Ramani and your content Lewis 💖 Thank you for shedding light on this. I am in therapy for narcissistic abuse from my family. This has helped me to see I need to create my own life – have peace to heal. Would love to see Max Strom, Tara Brach and Dr Robert Morse interviewed on your gorgeous platform. Sending many thanks from New Zealand 🙏
Since narcissism is an emotional and social state brought on through a combination of inborn temperament, and environmental factors, it is largely out of the person’s control, and should be understood similar to other problems people inherit or fall into, like alcoholism and mental disorders. Because some people don’t have anyone to securely attach to when they are babies they are forced painfully to adapt in order to handle it, by drastically limiting their own supply of attachment. Whereas people who are born with easier temperaments and have secure attachments go through life needing to continue that type of attached bond, in a very strong way. It is almost like asking a person without arms to carry you for a securely attached person to expect a high level of commitment or an intense emotional bond from an insecurely attached person. The securely attached ones might have a love addiction that is just as dysfunctional as deep insecurity and dis-associated empathy that narcissists feel- if not ideologically (because we value love as one of the greatest gifts of living) at least in real world terms of how much pain people feel when their secure attachment needs are not met. We need mutual understanding, to help prevent heartbreak all around.
Thanks Lewis , This Doc knows her subject perfectly and her insight at such a complex thing is a real skill , she’s the Queen at this subject and by me having listening to her before this is what gave me the tools I needed as for 35 years ! I knew there was something wrong 😑 however to have one of these people in your family is hell ! Dr RAMANI you are More than good enuff , your a beautiful soul, and a real Queen 👸 in your field ❤️fifi
I second Lewis’s appreciation and thanks to Dr. Ramani. I’ve been watching her videos, daily, for a couple years and taking the seminars to navigate my own trauma and relationships. I also watch you often, Lewis, as enjoy your guests.. The timing of this is perfect. Narcissism is coming to a head right now on a very dangerous level and everyone needs to be made aware and brace themselves. Excellent interview.
Thanks so much Amy!
@Lewis Howes you’re welcome and thank YOU so much for discussing positive topics and self improvement. I go to bed daily listening to lectures on narcissism, as sleep-training, which can get quite tragic and depressing, running in your subconscious all night. Lucky for me, the YouTube video feed usually lands on one of your shows by morning and tends to address the predicaments and self-defeating responses that can develop from narcissistic abuse and similar traumas. I don’t set it up like that but I feel lucky. Thank you for doing your thing.
You asked “Can you love a narcissist?” I did with all my heart for 15 years. Ignoring all the bad, acquiescence at nearly every turn. I would sit next to her a voice screaming in my head for the smallest morsel of affection or acknowledgement. Yes, you can love a narcissist but it is the dryest of deserts. She finaly crossed a line I could not follow and she tossed me away for that. The best and most difficult experience in my life. Now I have someone who does not try to control me and my children can heal and know what a healthy relationship is, something I appreciate more because of my experience.